If anyone has been listening to their grandparents fairy tales, or possibly maybe read Kalevala, you know what I'm talking about. Yes, the deity of the Death.
Personally I wouldn't call him 'god', since Finnish mythology (IMO) is mostly based on the nature, spirits and other people. There wasn't any time to think about higher beings, surviving in this cold wilderness, the fights between Karelians and Northern people (who were assumed to be samí people, nowadays?)
Well anyway. There's apparently two deities taking care of the afterlife - Tuoni and Surma. While trying to figure out what kind of person Tuoni is, it was rather mixed - he seemed to be very calm, perhaps greedy ("Tuoni heidät vei", Tuoni took them) and his wife Tuonetar was kind to the dead and fed them and took care of them... And then other source says Tuoni and Tuonetar were really nauseous and maleficent. Perhaps, but I personally (again) think that point comes from the times when Christianity landed to Finland, and Tuonela, the Underworld = Hell, when in Kalevala Tuonela is said to be calm cold place, where dead souls wander silently.
Surma on the other hands was without doubt described as violent, bloody death. Propably a person, who had encountered a bear (or other wild beast), or was murdered bloodly was said to have had encountered Surma. "Surman suuhun", 'to Surma's mouth', is still used nowadays. Surma was also a guard of Tuonelas gates, said to be a large dog with a snake-tail and can turn you into a stone with his gaze. Now, this might also come with nobel Christian Swedes with their knowledge of Greek mythology, since it sounds like Cerberos and Medusa had a kid.
I wasn't really that into bloody gore chainsaw-murderer image, so I drew Tuoni. Trying to catch the partying souls with his dead name scroll the next day.
And here comes the rant part.
Oh how I vowed back then in art high school I wouldn't develope my drawing skills to the level of some sort of 3D-ish, nor trying to get the hold of 'realism'. The teenage blustering! While drawing this I felt really unsatisfied with everything (except the colouring~). The lines were hideous (even though in hs I thought concentrating on the lines is the most important part of my art), the anatomy of his is skinny, petite, cherry boyish body (which really doesn't present my taste of men), same came with the face and the total package was wrong.
All these years, and after forcing myself to create something 'interesting' I couldn't even work something that would've made me happy about of my 'skills'. This is something I don't want to see when I leave the PC. There are elements in other artists' works I envy, and wish to learn, but there will always be 'my touch' in them. I would be in a need of reboot and get the rid of nowadays style, to actually enrich my art by 'copycatting the others'. If you know what I mean~
Well that's about it. I don't know how to get away from this frustrating situation. Having a really long break? (like years or so...) Trying to accept that it is what it is? Is there any way to do that?
...Or, have I finally found a handicapped perfectionist from myself?
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