Complicated as death itself

One of the closest relatives died last week. Since I wasn't able to cry at funeral, to me the normal way of dealing the utter sadness was naturally to draw it away afterwards.

 I started the pic as a practise of drawing hair (since I feel like that skill has gotten rusty lately... 'Cause I've concentrated too much on metallic and clean surfaces..), but eventually it turned out as a emotion flashback and a self portrait. ...Though my hair has been a lot browner for a month now, but ah well~

While working with the picture, I came to realize my own idealistic idea of life and death in general. Since I don't really believe in Heaven, I was crushed to remember our last words were exchanged 3 months ago. We won't meet in Heaven or Hell, that was it. As the one alive, I had a duty to look his corpse for the very last time (some odd funeral tradition - to open the coffin and let the closest relatives to see the face of death. Just to ruin you happy images of the person, ALIVE.). He had his lightest blue eyes open, looking up to the sky and surprisingly a smile on his lips.
Therefore I can be happy, that his last moment wasn't painful, but instead quiet, calm and the very last thing he saw was the pure whiteness... of the ceiling of hospital. If there's no Heaven, that must be the closest thing to it in the end.

Did anyone in Espoo rise their eyes up to the sky and noticed the weird sky about half a week ago, on Wednesday? The weird blue-red-yellowness, which was just like the Autumn leaves~ I had to blur and give it a go~